I had a hostile conversation over the internet this afternoon with horrible Post reporter Andrea Peyser.  She wrote a column tody entitled "Breast-Feed Gestapo in a Milk 'Bilk.'"  As the Post reported yesterday, some city hospitals stopped giving baby formula to all new mothers as they left the hospital.   Something about the nanny state.  Well, Ms. Peyser had the guts to take this story to the next level, interviewing lactation consultants at said city hospitals who mentioned the long term health benefits of breast feeding.   Oh, sorry.  She interviews Gestapo Storm Troopers.  Gestapo Storm Troopers who mentioned the long term benefits of breast feeding.    Long term health benefits of breastfeeding?  Sounds fishy, right?  Too fishy to be true:

            "But renegade docs making stuff up is exactly what may be happening.

            Leading Manhattan shrink Dr. Shari  Lusskin has told me that "some of my collegues believe the data is made up."

Well, that pretty much clears that up.  And once again, Nazi Gestapo are exposed for their evil maybe making something up, or at least that's what I heard.  

You know what I think happened here?  I think Ms. Peyser had a full plate yesterday.   She couldn't make any headway on her breastfeeding hospital assignment.  It got late.  She couldn't skip another appointment with her shrink.   But all she could think abour at her shrink's was work.  So she asked her shrink, this Shari Lusskin,"What do you think I should do?"

And Ms. Lusskin, God bless her, says "Yeah, well I heard that's all a bunch of bull$hit."  (I'm imagining her saying it as she's lighting a cigarette.)   And in saying this, Ms. Lusskin has solved all of Peyeser's problems.  Until tomorrow, when they make her write another crazy, ridiculous column.

Here was the email that I sent out around noon, about five minutes after, for some reason, reading the column:

Ms. Peyser,

Wow.  Even for you, today's column on the new breastfeeding guidelines at new york city hospitals was horribly misleading.   I recognize that it is your job to write snarky, obnoxious and counterintuitive columns.  But as a "journalist," don't you owe your readers a little bit more than "But renegade docs making stuff up is exactly what may be happening?"   

 Five seconds on wikipedia provided links to studies by the American Association of Pediatrics and The US Department of Health & Human Services on the benefits of breastfeeding over formula.   I guess you don't have the time to do actual research, though.  It would take away from the time you devote to making irresponsible insinuations.

  And gestapo?   Really?  Are you aware of what the real gestapo did?  You are horrible.  

  Another thing.  According to news reporting in the Post yesterday, formula was not "banned" from any hospitals.   It is merely no longer included in the packages sent home with all new mothers.  It is still available upon request.   I don't blame you for not reading the paper you work for.  It IS a horrible rag.  And you do your part.

Sincerely,

Matt Talansky

About fifteen minutes later, I received her awesome reply:

contrary to your snarky message, I have looked into it and found that there is quite a difference of opinion. IWomen are guilted into something that might not be right for them. But how should know?

I was a little surprised she wrote back at all.  But her speed was very impressive.   I had written to her before, telling her how horrible she is, but she left me hanging.   Here was my polite reply sent 10 minutes later:

Ms. Peyser,
While breastfeeding is not right for everyone, it does have health benefits.
  My wife recently gave birth and we looked into this issue.  Can you please
provide a link to a reputable source which suggests that there is no health
benefit to breastfeeding?
Sincerely,
Matt Talansky

No joke, eight minutes later:

As I said, there is a difference of opinion as to what makes for a healthy baby. I'm not condemning breastfeeding, just forced breast feeding. Everyone wants a magic health bullet, but I don't believe there is one. Some breast fed babies are sick. Bottle fed babies can be healthy as anything. Do what is best for you.

Nice.  How can I possibly argue with that.  She basically argues against the foundation of all Knowledge and Learning.    The awesome "Can anybody REALLY know anything, really?" argument.  Do what is best for you.  

Ten Minutes later I shot back:

Ms. Peyser,
I see you provided no factual research to back up your insinuations.  Some
people rely on data to inform thir scientific knowledge.  But I guess you
just "do what is best for you."
Sincrely,
Matt Talansky

Now, you may be asking, where's the baby during all of this?  He's in the middle of the storm.   He truly is an inspiration.  (He actually just stands in the front window banging on the glass with a miniature spoon like a pathetic little baby for sale locked away in a dungeon.)   I had my friend  Jonas on speaker phone.  Jonas  works in a furniture store in Soho, which sounds like code for he's gay, but it's true.  And he is gay.  And he's an avid reader of the Post, so he was part of all of this.  

11 minutes later, Peyser's harried reply:

oh, sorry. i thought you were the one who shipped me a link to a web site that contains all the data. All I could see was that it was inconclusive and open to a difference of opinion.

I can't tell if she's being sarcastic or medicated.

I provided her with a quote from the American Academy of Pediatric:

"Human milk is species-specific, and all substitute feeding preparations
differ markedly from it, making human milk uniquely superior for infant
feeding."

and asked her if that sounded conclusive to her.

Apparently this was all just a big misunderstanding.  Andrea would straighten this out:

I'm talking about long-term benefits. I didn't say it wasn't good.

Ohh.  We apparently weren't arguing about the health benefits of breastfeeding.   We were arguing about the long term benefits.  It's good.  Just maybe not good in the long term.  

A little bit of time went by, and I couldn't help feeling like maybe there was something that one of us was missing.   Her.  That she was missing.

Ms. Peyser,
If you agree that breastfeeding has concrete health benefits for mother and
child over formula feeding, then what on earth was the point of your
article?  Shouldn't hospitals encourage healthy behavior?  As I understand
it, contrary to what you stated, free formula will continue to be available
upon request.
And again, "gestapo?"  Please!
Sincerely,
Matt Talansky

I felt this email brought things back to the big picture of why she was horrible.   

But then she surprised me.  She put me in my place,   revealing  her noble inspiration  in all of this.  She truly is a great woman,   nay, a great human.

"concrete.'' that is one of those words used to scare women. It is fine, no question. But not for everyone, and I don't believe the children will definitely suffer as a result.

Andrea Peyser, protector of woman.  Words scare women.   We must protect them from words like "concrete" and "health" and "benefits."  Frightening.  If we allow these Gestapo maniacs (apparently aided by me) to scare our women by encouraging them to breastfeed, then the nazis have already won.  

I emailed her back, concluding with the assertion that denying the health advantages of breastfeeding amounted to embracing ignorance.   She bizarrely replied:

so we seem to agree.

I think she just wants me to like her.  I appreciate that.   I just wish she weren't so horrible.